Hi guys family I should say. I have not read your posts but will as soon as I can. Just wanted to let you know I did not go to hospital. My T said I should but I have too many responsibilties to just leave behind. I am in the process of making what I call policies and procedures for husband to know what steps need to be done and take on the responsibilites here at home. That is why I have not popped in lately and the fact that I have been taking my xanax that my pcp gave me for anxiety but I just told him that I needed it for that when the buspirone works alone. I was just being proactive to have on hand so when this day of mixed or just plan mania came I would have it to make me sleep as much as I needed it. No I am not abusing it. My body does not require for me to take that much of it like before so I take very small amounts durning the night and don't take more then 1mg per day or night. It is helping me get back on schdule at least to wednesday to see new pdoc and get the much needed meds to get stable. Don't recommend anyone to do this on their own but since I used to take it for many years before I knew it would help me till this appointment. Wish me luck on my next few days till then. I also have to be supportive of my neice going to trail on endangerment to a child. Even though I don't speak to her or her mom and dad (my adopted brother) but I have to take care of my mom so I am going in place of her. If she were to go she could go back to the hospital, have another mini stroke or just get ill and I can't afford that on top of me getting worse or having to get hospitalized and not having things in place. I realize its making things worse for me but I promise after this I will let things be everyone elses responsibility to help me themselves cause its not worth me having to get unstable agian. THANKS again family MUCH love and hugs to everyone and I will read tomorrow everyones post here.