So a lot of you know that I am in Austria for 2 weeks (maybe because I was practically screaming from the rooftops about it). Well I leave Monday and over the last 2 weeks I haven't thought about my bf more than a handful of times. I have been having so much fun and have been able to be myself without worrying about a response or whether I'm gonna have to listen to a complaint about the way I fold my towel or something stupid.

Well he wrote me this long email saying he realizes how much he misses me and that sent me over the edge. I thought...I have been BEGGING you to write me little notes like this FOREVER! And it doesn't happen until I leave the friggen continent?! And when I said that to him he told me I should be more appreciative. Seriously...the last time he did anything sweet like that was at least 1.5 yrs ago.

Just made me start thinking that I really am just done. He wanted me to skype him so I did and he asked me about the email and I told him the truth. That it really just made me angry and told him why. And he started telling me that I'm the one who needs to open up about my feelings now. I asked him how it felt to be begging someone for some kind of response and not getting one and he said it felt terrible. Well that's what I've been fighting with for 2.5 years.

I don't know if I over-reacted but I feel like it was just the straw the broke the camel's back. I have been literally begging for some kind of affection like a little note or something and not once does he do it. Yeah, he'll bring me flowers the next day but then nothing until the next huge fight we get in.

I think I have realized that I don't have to put up with a guy who takes me for granted until I leave the country. I deserve a guy who will do sweet things like that for me without me basically bawling my eyes out to do it. I deserve a guy who doesn't need thousands of miles to see that he loves me.

Now I know everyone is going to tell me to leave but it's complicated. We live AND work together. I, personally, have no problem continuing to work together, I think he is the one that will have an issue with it. But I have to get out. I feel so suffocated. Being here for the last couple weeks has given me a new perspective and I think I just have too much resentment for the things he's done to move on. I don't think I could ever give 100% to this relationship and that's when it's time to leave.

Getting that off my chest felt SOOOOO good!