Well you must be in your early 20's if you are a student at Cornel. I honestly don't think it is unusual to have the feelings you have right now. And I know you are comparing depression with what you experienced in your teens, but it is not the same.

It is not unusual for teens to have that time period where they struggle with lack of energy and direction, not wanting to get out of bed. And much of that is due to the oncoming of hormones that can really cause a lot of confusion along with having to somehow leave childhood and be more grown up.

And what you feel now is most likely another stage of being confused and thinking you have to somehow have a really good idea of who you are and what direction your life will take. You have to consider that you are taking in a lot of information and that is very taxing on the brain. And you are in an atmosphere where other students are confused and experimenting and somewhat all over the place in their behaviors and testing the waters so to speak.

Plus you have to take into consideration that the world right now is very unsettled and the negetive messages abound. There are so many suggestions about dooms day appoaching and lets face it, there is no real clear direction taking place here in the states. And there are many suggestive thoughts that America is falling apart.
I personally get so I don't even what to hear the media stoke all this fear and confusion. And it is so hard to wade through all the burocracy lately to see what is really taking place. And that is for everyone.

So you have every reason to feel the way you do. But please don't think your doomed and ready to give up entirely with no real vision of your future and your part in it. Much of that is due to the fact that you havent been able to get past that learning period and to the part where you start to apply it to your life and even your core. And it is not unusual to not be really in touch with your core at this time in your life. The twenties are the years of learning how to develope your core and full of trials and errors. What you are doing is projecting emptyness for your future when you are really only just putting a small amount of fuel into who you are and what that future is going to be. So ease up, your just not going to know that, and that is normal. And if you were to take a general conscensious of all the other students around you and even nationwide you would see that you are in a lot of company in your thoughts and feelings of inadequacy.

Try to bring your focus back to learning and taking in the skills that you are trying to accomplish. Dont be so eager to put the cart before the horse so to speak. Give all this new knowledge time to forment so to speak and stop trying to jump forward.

Hope that helps you some. You can always check out some therapy to give you some support. My guess is that you are on summer break and being out to the fast track of learning has put you in a slump, not unusual. Try to go to the beach or do things that give your brain some time to enjoy the time out and put less emphasis on pushing for who you are right now.

Open Eyes