I think between the pain you are experiencing physically and the possible shame you feel for being unable to work as of yet,that these feelings are stronger than the satisfaction you may have received otherwise for the accomplishment.Rather than focusing on the points where you may be lacking temporarily...how about noticing what is positive.I understand how terribly difficult it is for a man to feel he is not doing enough.I fully empathize with that.It is a hard thing to feel.But,you have good qualities and contributions as well.You know what you would do differently if you could...and your support in any context toward your wife is very useful to her.Telling her how much you appreciate her,how happy you are that she is in your life,telling her you know how hard it must be...these tender exchanges help her.Laying beside her and tenderly touching her.Have you used medication for your back?I broke my neck at 18 and fell 20 ft to tailbone at 13...and developed arthritic burs on the vertebrae...and aleeve helps with it.But,if you have....say ...bulging discs etc. you may need an
injection and corticosteroids to help the pain.You aren't rambling...you are feeling distressed and need to express yourself.That is useful to release some of the pressure you are walking through.I am glad you expressed yourself.Keep us updated...reach out.