Ah, but it's nothing like the book learning, is it? Experience can be a really painful, tough teacher but when you make it through this you'll truly know something worth knowing!

I got through the "love" feelings, with logic, humor, and lots of work (being honest and discussing the topic with my therapist, like all other topics). You know "about" transference, how it's wishing your parents had been like that, etc. so use what you do know, your logic/book learning to "discount" the uncomfortable feelings, take them down a notch, like you would if you were really angry, count to 10 or whatever to help the heightened physical feelings reduce some so you could think/discuss the "problem" rationally?

So you feel like you love your therapist. So? It's not going to kill you or her. It feels embarrassing and scary (how does she feel about me? Will she be able to deal with these big feelings I have about her?). Remember too, you are the one with these feelings; your T is not feeling these big feelings, she would like to try to help you explore them. That they are "about" her (they're not really, you don't know her as herself very well) complicates things for you, but not for her!

You are not a freak! Everyone could/would feel these sorts of feelings in this situation. It's like being embarrassed when you cry because a loved one has died or you've lost something emotionally important to you; there's no reason for embarrassment, everyone/anyone might cry in those situations!

One thing that helps me is remember embarrassing dreams I've had about my T and how I dealt with them. I once dreamed I had my head in her lap and she was stroking my hair. I told her about the dream. Why was I able to do that? It was something separate from my own controlled thinking, it was a dream and part of my unconscious. I could sort of pretend that it was something I'd read or that was not part of me.

Use your curiosity to wonder what your T will say to you when she sees you next Think about it from her point of view; I bet she will be very careful, kind, and "helpful" in what she says (or might be a little worried in/of herself, having to be that way and try to reflect it back to you, get you to discuss it but, that too, is good as, in the end it is your situation/feelings you need to understand and deal with?).

This is a common scenario for Ts? I still remember how shocked I was when my T expressed the that that I wanted to come home and live with her I was not able to let myself even think/feel that and her matter-of-fact expression of that common therapy wish about one's T, how she was not anxious or embarrassed about stating it, helped me a great deal to calm myself down and do a little thinking about/realizing I had a lot of wishes I was not expressing but that they are just wishes; not magic in any way; they won't make or break me, won't come true on their own or hurt/damage the relationship or the other person.

Remember when you were a little girl and wished for a pony? You weren't embarrassed about that were you? Think about when you were a child and had all those passionate wishes? Why would they go away, just because you are physically older? I have a little trouble even thinking about the word "pony" ~ I think I should want a horse, because I'm an adult? LOL

What's wrong with feeling like you would rescue your T from terrorists when no one else could or that she would come to your side when you're in the hospital in a coma (from rescuing others :-) and be the only one who could "reach" you and bring out out of your coma? All of it is "information" about you and can be very helpful in your getting to know yourself and what sort of person you are (I'm obviously very imaginative and caring in that I have such fantasies :-)

A problem I had with really strong emotions such as it sounds like you're having about your T is that it feels, at the time, like it is going to last forever and you'll be stuck with an embarrassed, red face, staring at the floor forever. Alas, good feelings/bad feelings; none of them "stay" as our life keeps changing moment to moment. Feeling are like the weather, another "helpful" thing I learned, they change. It's not "controlling" the feelings that is important, just knowing how to live with and maybe modulate them a bit. That you feel such passions is a good thing! Your "range" of emotions is that big too! Surely you know people who don't seem to be very interesting or have much to them? That isn't you and me