I know how you feel, I was in the same situation trying to find just a pdoc a few years ago. And I was calling people my T had suggested. It really makes you feel bad when people in the helping profession don't want to help you, you're like, wth? I finally called the university near me and go there outpatient, even though I have to take two buses to get there, and my previous pdoc is literally 20 steps away.

Just going through this experience of finding help for yourself will be therapeutic. When I found my current T, I had spoken to and or read about a few other people, he wasn't even my first choice, but in retrospect he is. Like the British slogan in WWII, keep calm and carry on. I just learned that recently, saw it on a rug, and thought, what a great slogan for mood disorders! I need that in my foyer.