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Old Jul 15, 2011, 03:51 PM
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SoupDragon SoupDragon is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2010
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
I want to thank you SoupDragon for posting this thread. I really appologize if I seemed to drag it around too much.

I see where I tried to stick myself in the thread and how I was really triggered.
And I wasn't really expecting that, at least not here at PC. And then came the wall of words, which is also very telling about me and what I have and what it means not only to me but others. And your question about what my responses to posts means about me really exposed a lot to me. And to be honest, I came to PC looking for that to happen. And I think everyone looks for that when they post or even when they read posts as some have mentioned that here too. And perhaps it is how we learn more about what our so called label means.

And I liked how you and others express it as a kind of way to measure how far along one might be in some kind of dealing or healing or recognizing, or even understanding that label and the psychological impact it may have on them.
My Label is PTSD and I would have to say that I am still in the stage of trying to understand just what that label means and how it effects me and even others.
And I tried to make an effort to explain what I have come to understand about it thus far in my last post that may have seemed to be a confusing post to place in this topic. It may have even seemed off topic. And yet in the mind of someone who struggles with perhaps an extreme case of it, that is what all my posts convey.
For some reason, when I really try to actually put me in the mix other than the way I have managed to in my past, I run the risk of either being misunderstood, thinking it is all about me, or I am pointing at someone else or I somehow become a target. And that is why I never started a saga thread about me, I have only made one attempt.
And anything personal I have put out has been extremely difficult to put out. And I often do it to show someone else they are not alone and how to try to look at it.

Every time I try to help someone else, I really try hard to say it to myself too.
And that is the best I can do at the moment.

I think the most significant thing that has happened with my experience in this thread, is, that somehow others saw it. Somehow they understood it, somehow I did something right in my efforts to explain it. I havent had much luck with that with my family members or friends.
And that was therapy for me as I really struggle.

Open Eyes
Hi Openeyes - thank-you for all your contributions to this thread. I absolutely respect your bravery about talking so personally about your life and where you are at - I know such honesty and openness helps me personally in my journey.

This thread has also taught me alot about myself. I wrote it after reading some negative posts on another thread - and somehow it clicked in my head that other peoples experiences can trigger right hear and now feelings for us and that although these resulting feelings can make us feel sad / angry / frustrated, we can still learn from them and if we can reflect, they can help us move along the path.

I had some interesting stuff going on for me after posting this thread. Firstly I cannot actually remember writing that initial thread, although accept that I did (those memory gaps always freak me out a bit). Then I started to feel really guilty and responsible for some of the difficulties it seemed to trigger in people - I wanted to run away and hide, I wanted to turn the clock back and wish I had never posted it - actually I was quite anxious that I had been instrumental in people being hurt - I cursed and damned myself.

However I have stepped back and think I can see a pattern in my life of similar feelings of being responsible for others - I can't quite make complete sense of it yet, but I shall carry on mulling it over.

I do think this is a great site, such a balance of threads where we can explore our stuff, look for support, or have useful distractions in some of the great games - I have also found things to laugh at on here and that is refreshing for me, as I can't remember the last time I had some fun.

Thank-you again for your openness - SD
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Soup
Thanks for this!
Open Eyes