I'm a lousy person. I know that in order to make other people happy, I have to be happy. I know that in order to do something "constructive" with my life I have to get over all these hurdles. I know I have to change. I know that change is hard. I know that other better people have beaten this and been better for it, I just don't think I can do it.

I know that being this miserable for this long is bad. I know that constantly feeling like the worst person in the world isn't right. I know that feeling like the entire world is out to get me is dumb. I know that playing the sympathy card isn't worth it. I know that I don't have any potential, but then I do have to do something with my life, don't I?? I know that constantly feeling like dying is a bad idea. I know that lashing out is bad. I know that pretending is not constructive.

I know all this.

I just wish I knew how I'm supposed to feel any better, because I'm feeling awfully lousy right now.