(((((Googley))))))

And, it takes a special type of T to help trauma clients. It is even an area of specialty. One can have a great T who does not have the skill set to handle intense trauma therapy work. Trauma therapy opens up the client and exposes them to the full force of the event(s). This is very serious therapy work.

You may need to ask your T if she can recommend another T who specializes in trauma work. Sometimes a person will have two Ts for a while if they are working on certain areas of healing.

Being afraid of facing the trauma is VERY natural. It was real damage. And honestly a person would have to be seriously mentally ill to NOT have some fear when they are facing trauma again. The HEALTHY human brain will do whatever it needs to do to stay out of danger and safe. That fear you have is 110% healthy. Listen to it and give it some respect. You will be amazed at how empowering it is to just honor that fear in a healthy way.

Don't do that to yourself; you don't know that it is annoying your T, you haven't discussed how she feels with her; she's the only person who can say/confirm that she is annoyed and this situation doesn't strike me as one that a normal person would get annoyed at, much less a T.

But the thing is that she said that she was finding it difficult because she felt that she was having to pull everything out of me because I was only saying small things. That she was trying to get me to say things I didn't want to say. But that isn't the case. I would say something and then get really really scared. I told her this, but I'm not sure if she understood what I meant. I tried to write out what is so scary. But I don't know that I have been able to really get to the bottom of what is so scary. I think I need to find out next session if she understands what I was trying to say.

If you are feeling "stuck" because the subject is too overwhelming and scary, either break it down into something tiny you can work on or change subjects. All things are related; what you are having trouble with now, today, it's related to the trauma too.

Think of five things you would like to make better in your life today and then just grab one to talk about and look at; talking about that will help free up some of the anxiety about the trauma. Don't try to attack the trauma head on, go at it sideways.

The problem with this is that we have spent so much time talking around the trauma itself. But not specifically about it. We both recognize that I could talk around it forever. I'm really good at avoiding.

Or, if you are frustrated with your fear of the trauma, grab some tiny piece of it (one can eat a whole cow one bite at a time) and look at that. Think of a recent dream and discuss it with T and/or get started looking at your dreams; they'll help you get closer. Do you know "when" the trauma happened? Discuss that time period and other memories; give yourself permission not to talk about the trauma, just think around it and discuss the rest of your life during that period. The trauma wasn't all there was at that time and recreating more of the period will make the trauma a bit smaller, put it more in perspective of the whole.