I hate myself too, I think a lot of people who self harm have feeling of low self esteem and self hatred. I've started going to therapy to work through why I hate myself so much and why I feel like I deserve to punish myself and hurt myself. Have you ever thought about talking to a therapist and exploring why you feel the way you do? Why you deserve to die? To be hurt? Why you are a bad person? The hatred usually comes from shame, guilt, and anger, and that usually comes from a history of trauma or abuse. You're not the only one who feels this way and you don't have to feel this way forever. It's scary to ask for help, it really is, it took me 10 years to do it, but the help is there.