I am struggling with very intense urges to hurt myself right now. I have already cut once today. My urge right now is very intense, and it is just to hurt myself in some way, whether it be cut, burn, or OD on meds. I am hoping that I can distract myself by typing this for a little while until the intensity decreases some.

Late Wednesday afternoon, I found out that one of the assistant supervisors is leaving to be a stay at home mom. I am happy for her, but at the same time I am extremely nervous because they said they weren't going to replace her for a while, and possibly never. I am already struggling to keep up with all of my job duties, and now I know that I am going to be asked to do more since she is leaving. I have gotten good at telling people NO lately, but I know that one of her job duties is going to become mine.

Thursday night, I had a dream that I was talking to my T, and she stopped me and said "That was a really bad example". I don't remember what I was talking to her about in my dream. That comment from her made me feel horrible, even though it was a dream, and I can't stop thinking about it.

Yesterday, my pdoc decided to switch me from Seoquel to Abilify. He is tapering me off the Seroquel and at the same time starting the Abilify. I don't know why, but I am very nervous about this med change. The Seroquel worked somewhat, but I had some side effects that I couldn't stand. I will be happy to get rid of the side effects of the Seroquel, but I am very nervous about how the Abilify will work for me. The last time that I tried switching meds, it didn't work, and I ended up in the hospital.

I guess I'm not really sure what I am looking for, so don't feel like you have to respond. I just needed somewhere to vent since I don't see my T until Friday.