Depending on where you are there might be options to help with the cost of counselling.
-Universities sometimes have students that need volunteer hours to get their license
-Community centres sometimes offer lower rates and they are subsidized by the government
-Some counselors offer sliding rate scales for those who don't have insurance
How long ago did you find out about her cheating on you? I found out at the end of last August and I pretty much have no memory of that time until about the end of October. Beginning of November was my lowest point, all of the shock and denial (that I really didn't even think was there) disappeared and I fell even further apart.
Yes, I had an imaginary answer to everything I wondered about and for some questions I decided I didn't need the answer. Do you find that her real life answer is less worse (I don't want to get too graphic here, but say you imagine them having some great romantic session but when you ask she tells you it was a short, sleezy motel encounter). I know there really isn't much that's better about this situation, but I always imagined worst case scenario. Of course you get angry regardless of what answer you get because you have to process that information.
Something that might help you would be if you could ask her to write out a timeline for you. A letter that includes any of the information you want to know, if there's something you don't want to know (like my bf was not allowed to tell me anything of a comparative nature "she was ___ than you, it was ____ with her" good or bad, I didn't want to hear it) make sure she's clear on that. This way though, you get a lot of information (things may still come up after) in one go. But she needs to not get tired of hearing it. She needs to realize that she caused you great pain and want to do whatever it takes to help you feel better.
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Originally Posted by Gdawg123
Everyone just keeps telling me I cannot think about it like I have to get over it right now if I want the relationship to work.
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This is common and there's a point where you just have to realize that you can only understand so much having not been in your situation. Not thinking about it when it still causes you distressing pain is only sweeping it under the rug (ie. not good). A quote I like is "you need to feel it to heal it", let yourself feel how you do
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Originally Posted by Gdawg123
I can do good till I wake up in the morning after the dreams then I feel like she needs to be there for me and she will just be sleeping or get up and walk out and I get so angry at this, I feel like Im the one with the problem.
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Have you told her about the dreams? She needs to know. She needs to be there to give you a hug or reassure you that she is there for the long road. If you've communicated how you are feeling, follow up with what you need, "when you ____, I feel _____, I need _____". "When you go out for a walk in the morning, I feel rejected and angry because of my nightmares regarding your affair, I need you to sit with me and comfort me until I feel calmer". Then you need to set your boundaries, what is and isn't ok in your relationship. Stand by them.