Good, you got it out. In a way you found out there is no Santa Clause. I don't know about you but I was really disappointed when that happened. But I still liked Christmas and what I ended up liking most was the concept of the challenge of the gift. Now you would think that ( many do), t is so annoying. And oh, lets not forget the economic boom and barometer of it. But actually, it is not that hard, what it can mean is that you spend a day or a few days thinking about each person you are going to present with a gift, uh oh. Well, it doesn't have to be uh oh unless you make it that way. And it is not about the expense of the gift at all.
What it is really about is finding something that represents that person, and your acknowledgement of that person. Yes, it is telling that person you know who they are, the little nooks and cranies of them. And it doesn't have to be extravagant at all. And I could say any occasion that requires a gift.

I make cards for each of the people I give to. I make personalized cards with small cartoons on them (and they can be crude cartoons, not by an artist). Each card is something about that person that is unique. It cost me a piece of heavy grade paper, some lead in a pencil and my thoughts about that person. For example my father always loved boats when he was little. He also spends a lot of time in the bathroom (concentrating) LOL. I drew a card with the bathroom and he was concentrating and in his shower were little boats, and they were in the sink too and pictures of boats on the walls and he was sitting quietly reading a Sailor's Magazine on his special seat. That card is still on the refigerator and he laughs at it every day. And there are a few cards on that fridge because my Mom's cards are there too. And no one throws away my cards, you know why? Because it is a part of them, who they are, and they like it.

So, there you go, the moral of the story is you don't have to live big. You have to live and be YOU. You have yet to find you, forget about the empty feeling, just go out and work at filling it. You don't have to be on the calendar of some agenda that is some typical standard for life. And that is why you feel the way you do, just because SOCIETY is a certain way, you dont have to be.

The BEST thing you have said is, I GUESS I AM DIFFERENT. Yes, you are UNIQUE and there is no one like you. So don't fight it, BE YOU, TAKE WHAT EVER YOU LEARN AND GO BE YOU.

Wishing you the best, really, go be YOU.

Open Eyes