So things in my life haven't been going well. I'm a newly diagnosed bipolar II with PTSD. A lot of stress and bad issues such as the fact that I'm losing my job in a few weeks (through no fault of my own just bad luck) and I'm the primary breadwinner for my family right now. I have a lot of pressure on my shoulders, my husband has been unable to find work for 2 years and has been taking care of our son and I just am not doing well mentally at all. My therapist has increased my sessions up to 2x a week. I've been struggling with suicidal thoughts for awhile now when the depression gets really bad and I haven't been on meds long enough for them to be helping much yet. She told me if I get to a point where I feel unsafe that I can be hospitalized for a day or two or whatever I need so I don't do something stupid.

My question is, to anyone who has been hospitalized, what happens? The idea freaks me out a lot, almost more than the fear of hurting myself. Maybe if I knew what to expect it wouldn't seem so scary. The main thing prompting me to even consider hospitalization as an option is that my thoughts and fantasies have gotten very vivid recently and they scare me.

I've been hospitalized several times. It's very scary before hand, but it's a relief once you get there. you feel safe and you can't hurt yourself there. There are people to take care of you and watch over you so you can't act out on any of your feelings.

I know my husband and my child need me and I feel ashamed for even thinking of being a coward and doing those things but I can't seem to stop thinking about them. When the depression hits me really hard it's the worst, I start having all those negative thoughts about how everyone would be better off, and I'm just a mess anyways and such.

Don't be ashamed - you have an illness and it sounds like you and your family are going through a really tough time right now. I've gotten those feelings so many times, and that's exactly when I go to the hospital. It's recognizing that you're having those feelings, and that they aren't good for you, and seeking help that show that you are actually STRONG and want to get better.

Well anyways, sorry this turned into a rant but if you've had an experience being hospitalized for being a suicide risk and you don't mind sharing either here or by private message I would really appreciate it.