I understand completely about your worrying about hospitalization. Yes, it does suck, but at the same time it is much needed to take a step back and just let others take over for a while. I too was on suicide watch, couldn't even go in my own room until at night when they unlocked it. There are activities all day and in between you can just talk to other patients. What I hated was having to wait in line for meds, and a cigarette, or to make a phone call. Small price to pay though because when I was released I knew I would no longer take action on any suicidal thoughts. Having the thoughts is one thing, but if you have a actual plan in mind - how, when, where, etc. then you need to get checked in. I still have thoughts all the time but know I will not follow through with them. It took the hospitalization for me to realize that.