Rainbow, it is such a powerful experience having the opportunity to share our most intimate thoughts and feelings with somebody. I think about therapy a lot and anxiously await the next session. It is an addictive feeling being so attended to.

But I also know that my T couldn't be my friend. I know that I would not want to be confronted with her issues. I know I wouldn't want to learn that she had some values that are different than mine. I know I wouldn't want to confront the fact that she wouldn't always focus on my needs instead of hers. Making our T's our friends would mean that we would have to see her own weaknesses and challenges. It would mean that we would have to sacrifice our self-inquiry in order to be attentive to her needs. We would probably be shocked and dismayed at the extent of our T's own problems.

I know this because I have a friend who is a T and an aunt who is a T. I can't tell you how much I have to help them with their issues. They struggle with anxiety and abandonment issues. They are wonderful therapists and can help their clients a lot. But, they have their own needs and it isn't always easy to be with them because they 'know' so much, they are reluctant to get another point of view.

What I'm saying is that your perception of your T is real but it's not complete. It is still in the realm of fantasy. I understand about your H not fulfilling your needs. I have the same situation. But now, I realize he can never fulfill my needs and I look inside myself where else I can do that. I try to engage in different activities and hang out with different friends to find some fulfillment.

But, the bottom line is that nobody except our T, while in session, will ever give us that kind of focused attention and concern. Let us value their help and cherish it and use it but I think it's a huge mistake to think we can transfer such a relationship into RL. That is completely unrealistic in my opinion.