chlor
i am so sorry that you are having to go through this alone. you did say that you have been doing well recently and that is something good that you can focus on. you also said "T and we were talking through things, and he was really helping me to come to terms with what happened and how it's not my fault and such". you can use this to your advantage. whenever you become overwhelmed with the memories of what happened, you can counteract these memories with the memories of the things you and T talked about. If it helps, write down the things that you and
T talked about so that you have them ready to read when the bad times come. Remember that you were doing well, that these bad memories had lost their power over you once and that you can take charge so that you can beat them again. You have already proven that you can do it. As much as possible repeat the good stuff you and T talked about to yourself. You can beat this, its just a momentary setback. Youve done it once, you can do it again. You have the tools. I know it may not be easy, but the more you do it, the less frequent and intense the bad times can be. You sound stong and resilient to me. I have faith in you. Hang in there.