you have so many of the classic signs of depression, just as everybody has said. so your lack of motivation to improve your life is totally understandable. while medication at this point would certainly help, i understand your desire not to want to have to take meds. therapy is definately in order though. you cannot go through this alone. a good therapist will be able to help navigate you through this depression without the use of meds. As Salmacis says, there are probably financial options availble to you. you can google becks depression inventory online and take this assessment to get an idea of where your depression falls from normal to severe.