Thanks all for these valuable insights. I used to be very active in a PTSD forum when I was acute and found it to be a real "life-saver".

She is into year 3 of psycho-therapy and has a lot of issues to deal with. Some I have been told about (in general) and others not. She is a full-time university student learning counseling and she is keenly interested in alcohol and gambling addictions because these broke up her family unit. I an extremely tolerant and compassionate but her behaviours towards me are slowly eroding any confidence I might have aout this relationship enduring. In amny way she is the kind of lady I have always dreamed of but this "dark side" is a "biggie".

Since doing this post I cofessed I had gone to a forum to seek objective advice about how to cope with this recurring problem. I explained to her how I feel I am in a perpetual state of readiness for the next "blow-up" and the relationship to end. I told her this expectancy state is not healthy and is beyond my life experience. She has taken my concerns on board and is going to stop see about taking an anger management counseling. She knows her blow-ups are her amygdala engaging instead of frontal cortex. When she asked me what can she do about this I said , perhaps you could hold your thoughts for a few moments to evaluate what you are about to say, instead of just coming out with the abuse (I called it straight out "abuse"). She thinks a big part of this is her (Eastern European) culture where it is normal for people to be open and forthright.

My problem is still that I feel I am bracing for the next blow-up. We slept separately last night and this morning she is loving and apologetic. She asks me to forgive and overlook and I have said "yes" but in truth, I am even now bracing for the next time. It does seem that contact from her son or former husband brings out a kind of rage within for life has not been kind since they migrated. Here former husband was a high status medical specialist doctor and has a PhD. But here, he cannot practice medicine. Life is so complicated. I really have never experienced what I am experiencing. I had read and heard about such situations and would think that withdrawal (emotional and physical closeness) is natural band logical. This is what I do and is why she accuses me of being passive-aggressive. I do not know how I should behave. I have tried comforting her and saying "please calm down, it'll be alright, it'll work out" but then I get it "in the chin" - "_How_ will it be alright!!!" I feel I can't win.

About the accusations I am mean.. I have a small income and since my marriage broke up I have been supplementing living expenses by drawing off my life savings. I am 60 and getting challenging, meaningful work is impossible (I am highly skilled in one discipline and "world class" at it). I guess I am reluctant to be careless with my reserves but the drain rate is significant and I will run out one day. But to put this in perspective I am depleting at several thousands per month. It does worry me. PTSD has been catastrophic. It destroyed me. Life was very good until the delayed onset "got me". It is all like a dream now just how awful it was. I was merely distressed but I experienced nothing but people distancing themselves from me - my employer, even my wife (of 17 years at that time). There is no compensation for me as it is a "psychiatric injury" and the guy who help the gun to my head simply denies he did it and says I am "clutching at straws" blaming him as it was "so long ago". Not fair eh? I have learned life is not meant to be fair, it simply is. My entire philosophy has changed since I did that Vipassana Meditation residential course. It cured me from the acute PTSD and I dare not think about the "if only ..", "what if ..", "should have ..", "could have .." This way I don't dwell on bad thoughts and keep positive.

Thanks again for your comments above. Your insights are balanced and constructive.