I was admitted into a partial hospitalization program (PHP) at my city's public psychiatric hospital. It was a 7 to 8 hour per day program that met 4 or 5 days per week. I was amongst about 12 to 15 peers.

I think part of AvPD is extreme discomfort in the face of criticism/rejection. (If you look it up, the textbooks will say something along those lines.) Well, I faced my share of criticism from the staff AND from my peers. It was extremely painful, at times. It seems I had a need to see myself as never being in the wrong, and I tried very hard to make that true. I always got "A" in behavior in grammar school.

Well, as with all human beings - forgive the vernacular - my poop does stink at times. For the first time in my life, I got told that. My PEERS were actually more effective than the staff at calling me on my antics. Despite being an extraordinarily defensive person, I eventually saw that they had a point, now and then.

Now here is the wonderful part: And, again, it was my peers, more than the staff, that helped me through the pain. I learned that

#1 I have some very off putting personality traits.

#2 Despite the above truth, I am a person who can be cared about, and considered a person of worth. I can even be regarded with affection and warmth IF . . . IF I can let go of the need to never be told that I may be out of line.

When I started to see that my peers saw faults in me, it was devastating to my ego. Thank God, He did not make me so fragile that I couldn't even consider that, maybe, they had a point. I started to lighten up. I apologized to some peers with whom I had been a bit too overly self-righteous. And, then, A MIRACLE HAPPENED. They were kind to me. They praised me for my improvement.

PHP put me back in the "school yard playground" - with PEERS. However, I couldn't go to the periphery, sit down and lean against the fence and be in my own world.

I'm grateful that the staff didn't molly cuddle me. I am hugely grateful that my peers were able to reject some of my behaviors and attitudes, but still be willing to embrace me for the good that is in me.

AvPD is hugely painful. The psychic dynamics underlying my problem may be much different from those driving the disorder in any of you above. What helped me might not be best for you, but I don't see how anyone could fail to be helped by this.

Your therapist in that private room with the door shut is probably going to try very hard to never make you feel rejected. So how in the heck is that going to help a person with AvPD learn to endure rejection and also learn that it's not the end of the world.

Warning: I was once briefly in a group therapy situation where peers were allowed to be really insulting and abusive to each other. If the moderators can't control that, get the heck out of there.