welcome to pc, starvin.  you've had to endure a lot. your life has been a struggle due to dad's alcoholism for one. they take people hostages rather than having a healthy relationship.
but i want to keep the focus on you...have you ever tried adult children of alcoholics, ACOA, alanon, or alateen? these groups are so very supportive for those affected by an alcoholic parent or loved one. the focus there remains on helping YOU. you will learn new ways of coping, living, knowing it's not you that has caused so much upset. you can learned to get rid of the hurt. i hope you will check it out. just put in your area/town and meetings will pop up.
http://www.allone.com/12/aca/
hope you will let us know how u're doing. 
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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