Dear Starvin, see all the answers above, nobody thinks you are a selfish or bad daughter for protecting yourself from harm. He tried to kill you and your sister! It's self preservation.

I also had a parent with a severe mental illness, my mother, and I also have had to struggle with feelings of guilt surrounding my relationship with her. I loved her, but hated what the illness drove her too. In the end I thought I hated her, but every now and then her true nature would peek out again, and I'd fall back in love with her. It's so painful, every time.

You must not feel guilty whatever happens to your father. You could be sucked dry and destroyed in your attempts to mend him. You honour your father in your survival... much that is good about him, your genetic heritage from his side, is preserved in you. You will always be half his, half your mother's, and what you do with that make up of yours is your gift to yourself and the world. Your father might do badly in life, you might have much to grieve for him, but you continue, for yourself as well as for him, and never blame yourself that you couldn't be his mother. You did the best you could.