Keep in mind that whoever will drive away because you want to make honest and open relation does not deserve to be a friend, and its better if it happens so.

With real friends you should not have such worries, so I'd say this would be just a test if they will be the right ones.

I understand the situation, but can't you distract your mind with other things? To say there is so much beauty waiting for you to find maybe sounds to poetic, but really.. everyone of us copes with negative feelings and questions once in a while, but somethings tells me it is worth to try to find things and design your ways that will make life pleasant.

Go out to help other people and get a mission on this planet might be also hard to say. This is one of the things that always makes me alive no matter what my perception of life situation at the moment might be.