Hiya,

I would just love to acquire some self esteem. I have never had any, so I would like to get a bit for a change, lol. However, to get self esteem, you have to have something about yourself that you find is a good thing. Whether it be something you are good at, how you look, or maybe its your creativity, or talent at something. You have to have at least 1 thing about yourself that you are proud of, and therefore it gives you self esteem.

However, I cannot even dress myself, or wash my clothes, or wash myself, etc (you get the general idea) let alone have anything to be PROUD about. I look horrible (because of the above), so looks are out. All my skills are gone since I had the nervous breakdown, so talents are out. I have had severe anhedonia for 19 years so hobbies, interests and creativity are out. I have not socialised in 10 years (not interested) so social abilities are out. I hate people, so "caring for others" is definitely not on my radar.

So what is left? Am I supposed to be proud of the fact that I wake up each afternoon, stay in my pj's all day, sit in front of this computer and cry all day long, then retire to bed and sleep 12 hours (due to meds) and then do it all again, not having washed in weeks?

People keep telling me the key to recovery is to get self esteem, but it makes me think the people telling me this do not even have a clue as to what self esteem really is. You cannot love someone who disgusts you, and that includes yourself. You click on any links about self esteem and it tells you all the same textbook stuff.

So what about us who do not function whatsoever, and are just basically biding their time until they get old and die? I even asked my therapist this question and she was stumped, lol.

They say "think about one thing you like about yourself". The only one I could come up with was "I can brush my teeth once a week", but that just doesn't cut it in the self esteem department.

Any ideas?