I dont remember a time in my life where ive been totally happy but for the past approximately 2 years i have been extremely depressed as a result of my social anxiety and loneliness. I have always found social situations 'awkward', infact the last time i remember frequently leaving my house for social reasons was when i was about 13 (im now 22). I then became more and more of a recluse from there on, i went out with my friends less and less outside of school, then upon leaving school i stopped doing things with my friends more and more until the point where i have not left my house for social reasons for about 2/3 years. I no longer have any friends and although my family is nice and supportive they cannot help me. I have not spoken to anyone in person about my problems, i simply cant. My parents will just tell me to go to a doctor. Doctors will just pescribe me with a drug that i dont want. I dont feel a psychiatrist can help me. Ive become extremely lonely and depressed. My self esteem is extremely low and although im not a bad looking person i simply cannot accept my inperfections, no matter how hard ive tried. I feel i am in so deep that i cannot make a recovery. I cannot throw myself into social activities to make friends because of my social anxiety. I no longer find anything enjoyabe and nothing at all interests me, this leaves me with the motivation to try nothing. I feel like im in a corner with no way out, every possible path i need to take to fix myself, i cant bring myself to walk down wether its my self esteem, depression or social anxiety stopping me. I hate it and i hate the person i am, im so sad it hurts. I feel so lost and lonely i cry randomly, its pathetic. There is no reason why i should feel like this, ive had a very normal life without any trauma, this only makes me feel guilty for the way i am. Guilt i dont deserve to feel when theres so many more out there in far worse situations.
I just want to live my life and be happy, but i truly beleive i will never get there. Sometimes i feel like giving my life and donating what i have to give someone else a shot at life. Someone who can appreciate life.

Sorry, needed somewhere to vent.

Any advice or comments are welcomed, thanks.