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Originally Posted by rubyindie
guess what i quit riding that boat of narcissism quite recently and just when i shoud be feeling relieved, i realise that living with such people have long term effects than we think. even to the strongest of minds. i lived in such a marrige for 6yrs isolated from neighbours, family, friends and even career. i guess he was successful, until i woke up and decided it was quits for me or i might have say quits from life itself. it very difficult to eliminate those thots and word that they have hammered in to your head for years. i find it hard to cry too cause he trained me to withold emotions as was the norm in his conservative society. but it hurts more inside as he is resistant to give me a divorce prolonging the pain
any advice..
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Although I never got to "live with" my x-friend who began to display signs of lack ofmotional empathy, remorse, or ability to be kind, I can relate to your post in that there do exist effects after being with a personality like one with traits of narcissism. I think it is the tip of their disorder; with my friend, he was definitely dissociated and hadn't gotten help for some time for it. He lied, left, had long periods of absences, could not take accountability for anything he did. They do drive you crazy, but as you said, the person you first met and fell for was really a fake. I read something about the "betrayal bond", awhile back, which explains why the bond we had with people with this disorder can take hold of us; I tried to erase him from my thoughts; then emailed him today; they are toxic, toxic, toxic; have no desire to change in general as long as their needs are met, they will use, use, use. If you still love your husband, maybe you could get him to go to counselling? Just a thought; it's tough because we have to identify what it was in our personality which was drawn to them in the first place. My x lied way too often in a short 6 month period and left with no explanations for there to ever be trust again, even if he wanted to try again. They go from victim to victim; most were victimized themselves. I hope you are moving on OK.
