Hugs coming your way, MUE.

MUE, I wouldn't lean too hard on what you sensed. Your T has stuck by you through thick and thin and last time went on that wonderful walk with you through the garden and had you taste the fresh veggies. It seemed like a very caring gesture and just the thing to show his support. I think sometimes it is the depression in us that makes those negative interpretations and believes our Ts are giving up or frustrated. I would just put that out of mind and unless he said those words, don't trust your what you sensed at this time.

When we're really depressed, it can be OK not to explore. Leave that for brighter times. Just go and get support and don't have expectations to get a lot of work done in therapy at this time. Go easy on yourself and go be with T and feel his caring and understanding (and fresh veggies). If your T does seem to be pushing you to explore, it is OK to say you don't feel well enough to do that right now.

I felt better about being depressed when I realized it had a purpose. Maybe that won't work for everyone, but it helped me. So instead of fighting it, I made friends with it. I know that doesn't fit for everyone, and some get offended when I say it, but I'll just throw it out there as something I went through. Didn't cure me, but helped me feel less bad about being depressed (as opposed to feeling less depressed).