I'm sorry you're having such a hard time :-( I'm recently diagnosed and struggling to put on the "happy face" at work too, especially since I am getting laid off soon due to budget cuts. I'm also the only one employed in my household. This illness makes everything so much harder. I hope they figure out your meds and you are able to level out. Right now I've just started on topamax and I'm just getting more and more depressed so I don't know what's coming for me........