Sorry for bumping this post, but I didn't see any sense in starting a new thread on the same subject. Just some random thoughts that I needed to get rid of...hope y'all don't mind.

I usually email my T a few hours after a session, or sometimes the next day, once I've had a chance to process things a bit. This week, I've thought about emailing her, but I really, really don't want to. I want to pull away, I don't want to let myself be vulnerable or rely on my T. I was comfortable emailing her, but now I can't even bring myself to type out a draft email.

I know my T will comment on the fact that I didn't email her. I don't know what to tell her. The truth, I guess, that I'm a little freaked out about the fact that I realized just how vulnerable I've made myself and that I'm really bothered by the fact that I do rely on this relationship. The worst part is, it's not something I can even be mad at my T for. She's been awesome, she has inspired my trust in her. She makes me feel that it's safe to be vulnerable around her. She's totally professional, completely understanding, and just all around a great T. Yet, I am angry about it. I'm not really angry at her, though...mostly I'm angry at myself. I'm angry that I let myself be vulnerable, and then I get upset with myself because I'm upset over this. I'm scared to put this much trust in someone. Part of me can't wait until my next session, so I can actually talk through this stuff with my T, and part of me wants to cancel my session and never go back!