darling i know what u are going thru is tough esp with the children, my ex also did the exact same things pls read more about emotional abusers, their traits, and their apparent incurability. you are a great lady independent and deserve better and deserve to be able to give your children a future free of incomparable complexes to battle all their lives. pls do read up abt this less discussed form of abuse,emotional abuse.
pls talk with your children individually and together to assess their thoughts on this, they will atleast know they have an ally in you. thats better than not talking to them and build up and invisible wall of pretension between all concerned.take care. prayers with you.