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to help me understand a bit of what is going on, to see if this is normal.

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Well, "normal" is something I don't think any of us dare to try to define. But regardless, you are clearly suffering a lot, and I'm sorry about that You are lucky and I'm glad for you that you have a friend who cares so much. Don't hate yourself for accepting her help -- wouldn't you do the same for her? That's what friends are for -- to support each other and help each other through the hard times. I would love to see you take some deep breaths, take her hand, and let her take you to the crisis center. Refusing help isn't going to move you forward.

Good luck