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Walker7686 · Jul 19, 2011, 01:26 PM

Hello Everyone,
I am new to this site and am new to this particular area of the forums as well. Please forgive me if I do or say anything "off" as I'm not certain the full ettiquite here yet.
I joined, at first, to get in touch with others that deal with cyclothaimia (SP?). A very minor spectrum of bi polar disorder. As well as ask a few questions about medications. However, today, my psych docs nurse made it seem urgent that I come in, when I called her about some issues I was having that I felt might be side affects. So, I rearranged with my boss (I was sceduled to work) and made it there on time to find out that I may, indeed, be dealing with side affects that only occur in .05% of patients on Depakote.
I am not happy about this. Not at all. The depakote works so well! I have felt more mentally stable, in the last 2 months, than I have in my entire life. I only required 1000mg a day to achieve this as well. A barely theraputic dose, according to what I have read. I really despise the thought of having to trasition over to a new med. I was on this merry go round years ago (long story for another thread) and really thought I had won a lottery (or something) when this med worked so well at such a low dose.
I suppose one could say that I'm frustrated, thus I am venting it here. This too shall pass, I know, and I will do what I must to achieve mental stability/clarity. I have too much to lose if I don't. I'm just so disappointed.
I'm certain many here have felt this way. I apologize for venting as I have. I suppose that I am simply looking for support now.
The efficacy of the medication should not be overshadowed by the side affects though. I am having muscle problems, as well as memory lapses. It takes me half an hour to even get out of my bed, due to muscle pain, and over an hour to be able to move without wanting to cry. I cannot recall the name of a tool that I use on a regular basis, or call people by the wrong names, lose track of a sentence in the middle of it, and it has all been getting worse as time goes by. Thus I called the office and spoke with the nurse.
I am studying to be a auto technician and work for an oil changing place that has specific call outs. Memory loss and muscle weakness are just not acceptable side affects, when they begin to affect that area of my life, and they have. It's hard to do a tire rotation when you can't even life the tire. Being a woman trying to break into a mans field, this just looks terrible on me and I am not quite ready to tell my new boss (only been there 6 weeks) about my mental problems or the meds I'm on. He knows I'm on meds, just not why, and he only knows that as of today when I had to get in to see the doc. I'm a firm believer that if you can't do the job, you shouldn't be there. Yet, I CAN do the job, my meds are just messing me up right now.
So, yeah...now that I've written a novella..... I'll thank you in advance for any words of support offered.