today marks ten years my husband and i have been together. i am home alone as usual. . .thinking of what its all amounted to. . .
10 years together
9 hospitalizations
8 places we've lived
7 incredible family vacations
6 different jobs
5 cars we've driven
4 funerals
3 times we've broken up
2 beautiful children
1 bankruptcy

just amazes me how quickly life passes, how much the smallest decisions affect the rest of your life. . .how many friends have come and gone, parents passing in and out. our lives have been a revolving door and i've watched so many things come and go. life is so short and sometimes so unbelievably painful and sometimes so incredibly wonderful. the births of my children, my two year old embracing mickey mouse in disney world, seeing my grandmother to say goodbye before she passed, surviving cancer, surviving an OD, the look on my older sons face when we gave him a puppy for his fourth birthday, the car accident in my second pregnancy that left my baby unharmed and me with only minor bruises, the six hours i waited breathless and shaking to hear from my husband after he called from downtown when the twin towers were attacked, the hospital that gave us packages of diapers and wipes and formula when my first child was born because we barely had enough money to eat, the nights of pizza and beer when we had no car to go out for dinner, the christmases my son got every toy he asked for, the times we had to go to court, to the hospital, to funerals and got through it because we had each other to turn to. . .
guess i'm grateful to have him on my side, the glue that holds me together. . .especially these past few weeks when i've been falling apart, these past few days when i've been thinking such terrible thoughts and wishing it would all just end. hes given me the strength to get out of bed, the determination to be a better mother, and the knowledge that for all my faults, somewhere inside me theres some small amount of good.