((((((((((((((melinda)))))))))))))))))

you are ok, you're right. it just doesn't feel like when an unexpected butt kicking comes, does it? that's what i call it...out of the blue, a butt kicking.

you are really doing so great things for self. i think it's great that hubby wants to help but respects your need to have what control you can in this.

this too will pass. until then, please try to journal (well, kinda like you did here) and know in your mind that your feelings, thoughts and memories on this are being respected. maybe then you can try to keep head and hands busy on something creative until it slips further and further back?

we're here.

kd