Chlorophyl, without going into detail, I was raped when I was eighteen. I'd never been with anyone, and it hurt like hell. Years later, when I was in labour, I flashed back to the rape while having contractions, and thought I was going to die. I know this is horrendously difficult.

One thing I can say, you DID survive this. You are here now, processing it, painful as that is. You say that it was an attempted rape... I assume that means he didn't get exactly what he wanted. How about saying the following. "My name is... and I beat rape." Because you did beat it. You're here now, past the attempt, heart beating, lungs breathing, full of emotion and intellect... not to be too corny, but you are a Survivor. You're a strong woman, you faced one of the worst experiences anyone can face, and you're still coherent, strong enough to face it even when it hurts... I think you're brilliant.

So, if you can't say the mantra you've been trying while looking in the mirror, try not looking in the mirror. Sit quietly, breath, and say "I beat rape." Clench your fists, beat the pillow, scream at the wall, but remember just what monster you defeated. He had his intent, to take from you what was yours, and yours alone. He tried to crush you... and you're still here. You beat the bastard. Try that as a mantra as well. "I beat the bastard." Even if he's still out there, you are still bigger than him.

Keep going. Fears, imaginings, nightmaer etc will dissolve as time goes on. And you will be left with your core self, the strong woman who ground the serpent beneath her heel.