Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
I posted in the Dear T thread but realized I wanted responses. Since the session with my H, I'm feeling sexual stuff for my T. During the session, I didn't realize how much I compare her to him, and unfortunately, I feel more for my T. I remember looking into her eyes and seeing the compassion she has for me. She gives me much more than my H does--emotionally and physically. It's always been that way in therapy and I've always known it, but I don't always feel it so vividly.
I want to feel that way towards my H and his going to my session with me may be a step in the right direction, but I'm not sure. We want to stay together--it's been so many years, but I get my needs met in therapy, not at home, pathetic as that sounds.
I feel like I "use" my Ts in this way but at least I've been honest with them about it. I know it's more about intimacy than sex but the good feelings get all mixed up in my mind. I "love" my T for being the person she is, and I feel so connected to her. I'm doing work on different issues and I'm happy about that. I know it's partly child needs and partly adult needs I get from her. I know if my H isn't meeting my needs, it's natural that I want my T to meet them. I know transference plays a part in this too. But it's my T's eyes I'm looking into. I don't know how she's going to help me with this. My H just accepts our marriage as it is; he's content, but I'm not!
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Rainbow,
I think you are right on when you say it is more about the intimacy than it is the sex. Both are a very primal human need. A "hard wired" part of being human. It is very understandable that these big feelings and thoughts get intertwined in your head. I am glad you are able to express this to your t. I know this is incredibly difficult for you to do.
I am also wondering what would it do for you if your t would just flat out tell you she loves you? I am sure that she does. It is quite obvious by the amount of time that she spends with you and what she says and does for you. Think about it, how do kids know they are loved? Not by being told, they know it by their parents spending time with them and meeting their needs. That's how I came to the conclusion with my t. He spends time on the phone with me, he doesn't rush me, he writes me letters when he is going on vacation, all those special things that t's do are really an act of love. I mean this in a funny camrodoire sense by all means, do you think your t or my t would be with us still simply because of the money? I don't think so, we both are too much work! Would they still stick by us if we were only a 50 min session in their week? Naw..........they connected on a very primal human personal level just as we have to them.