Thanks rubyindie, I'm glad I could help.

The way to look at your role in a relationship with a narc is that you were never more than a source/supply for their need for approval and reflection of their false self (the image of splendor they wish to project to the world). The beginning of a relationship with a narc is the "honeymoon" phase. This is when they turn on all the charm, sweetness and affection in order to hook you. They feel the need to compensate for their underlying self loathing by over doing it at the start. They simply cannot allow you to see the real them; the ordinary, average, less than special person they see themselves as. They will also attempt manipulate you, as your ex did, into believing your connection is so strong and love so great that you are forever bound to them emotionally. This is a defense against their extreme fear of abandonment. We buy into all this despite our uneasiness, because most people want to find that "soul mate" who "gets them". Narcs are chameleons. They are experts at pretending to be whatever their target audience wants or needs at the time. That goes for any situation. Job interview, whatever... Once you commit they will begin to periodically show their true self by acting out in much the same manner as a child who doesn't get what they want (tantrums, blow ups, silent treatment, etc...). If you stand up to them and reject this bad behavior, you will illicit further rage and denial. The only way they know how to express themselves emotionally is through indignation, anger, aggression, and sometimes violence. Likewise, if you begin to make any demands on them (time, money, emotions) they will ultimately react as if you are inconveniencing or imposing upon them. You will get a classic guilt trip bon voyage. It doesn't matter what the reason. You could be on your death bed. Try as they might to pretend to be attentive and loving, they cannot hold it together for very long. All they know is they aren't getting whatever they want and they are going to punish someone for it. My possible narc ex did it to me after my elderly father fell and went to the hospital. At first she told me to do whatever I had to until he was ok and released. But when it became evident I would miss her sister's birthday dinner, she became sullen and threw a fit. Later on, she vehemently denied being upset and accused me of being too sensitive.

I congratulate you on not having children with this man. Champagne toast to you.