((((((Poetgirl))))))

I am SOOOOOO happy to hear from you. I was worried!

I'm sorry you still feel so bad. It sounds like your worries about the future are just scaring you to death, so you are wanting an escape from those fears. I can understand that your worries are about legitimate things like needing money and caring for your kids. But mixed in are also other terrifying fears about the future that may not happen for a very long time, or not the way you are fearing they will (such as suddenly your husband suddenly dying and leaving you alone to deal with everything, and not having anybody at all to help).

It seems important to me that right now, while you are in a fragile state, you force your mind to let go of worries that are future based or unlikely to happen. Focus only on what is needed to get yourself and your family through the day. . .take one day at a time! Ssk, What do I Need to Do to Get Through Today? Then focus on that. Later, when you are feeling more stable, you and your t can focus on some short-term goals to meet your financial obligations and other worries/concerns. But right now, just concentrate on getting through each day one at a time.

Also, try to be patient with yourself. You're going through a tough time right now. Being self-critical only makes you feel worse and more hopeless. You are not a bad person! Let go of the self-judgements. Take care of yourself and get through this crisis first. It's OK to take the time to do that. It's impossible to solve all the problems and figure everything out when you're in crisis. Of course it feels like too much!

You're going to be OK, Poetgirl.