thank you all. I wish everything could be better and as it was too, but in one sense I know things can't be as they were......something in me is too wrong, too broken, too resistant to change. I don't know how to change the unwillingness......
my marriage is broken, too......H showed me papers this morning about nofault divorce. I have nowhere to go......I won't be able to have T anymore either.
what's worse is that I have discovered I don't exactly want my kids. Somehow, I still love them but something in me no longer wants them, horrible as that sounds. So wouldn't it be best to leave.
I have been a ***** this morning, saying nasty things. I feel horrible about saying them, but somehow impelled to do so. Something has turned evil in me and my soul is a twisted thing, I think. It's not depression, it's the borderline and it's the evil in me......
I feel like a Judas, a devil.....