OK - trying not to just sit and sink in the deep end. I am trying to get this head of mine sorted without any medication, just with the help of my T. I had started to feel better after so long in the land of numbness and blankness and thought "hey - I have this cracked now, this is all behind me" - and so it absolutely knocks me off my feet, when that darkness reappears - I guess I need to acknowledge that maybe those grey clouds will always be on the horizon and not get over confident when I feel better, with the subsequent corresponding huge disappointment when I feel low again. Yes I can relate to the highs and lows and needing to balance myslef in the middle - just need to work out how to do that.

Thanks for everyone's posts, I can't explain how it is such a great thing for me to know there are people out there - something to grab hold of while in that deep end. SD