My father was my abuser for years. . . sexually and emotionally. I lived still trying to please him but broke things off when I found out he abused my kids. He actually went to jail for that. After about 4 years we saw each other again. It didn't take me long to realize that I really didn't get a lot out of the relationship. He was still critical and I always ended up feeling bad about myself. So, I just sort of stopped visiting. He was pretty deaf so phone conversations were useless. Mom kept saying for a couple of years that he had Alzheimer's. Turns out he did and he was hospitalized because he couldn't walk and then put into an Alzheimer's unit. He died a little over a year later (May 4, 2011)

I cried a little, mostly because of my mom crying and seeing my brother upset. But, other than that, I feel nothing. Which of course, makes me feel bad that I feel nothing. I think a large part of it is that my 24 year old son died October 2008 and really, compared to the loss of a child, it's kind of "so what" about my dad.

As they say, you are supposed to bury your parents. This is a natural progression. It was actually funny. I went to my grief therapist and she asked how my Mother's Day was. Mother's Day, despite having other children, is pretty horrible. I said, well we moved furniture for my mom. She said, wow, that's tough. Why did it have to be done then? It was like, oops, did I forget to tell you my dad died and she needed furniture moved because family was coming for the funeral?