Poetgirl,

You are NOT evil!! Depression can make us feel uncharacteristically angry, hopeless, or lethargic. It's not uncommon for a person who feels depressed to feel like they no longer want to be with their family members (or, in your case, your kids). During my depression, my thinking was very "off." I didn't think i loved my h anymore and wanted to leave him. Also, everything seemed altogether hopeless to me, and i also felt very B-A-D to the core. It was ALL the depression talking! Once i got leveled out and the depression began to subside, my loving feelings for my h returned, and i felt less self-hate and more hopeful about things working out.

Poetgirl, don't let your thoughts fool you that they are "true" statements about yourself and your life. They are "depression thoughts." You are not regulated well right now, you can't think clearly. You may not be able to see the difference -- or to see the change in you over the last few weeks -- but we do! We can see that you've become disregulated (either through med changes or something else). You are not thinking or speaking like your usual self.

PLEASE don't make any big decisions when you are not able to think clearly! What can you do right now to feel better? Or at least get through the day? It will not feel this bad forever!!