Dear time0,
Actually you are dealing with this.
Guilt and blaming yourself after a traumatic event, seems to be what we all go through. Awful, that one. The truth is, is that you are not to blame, but we can't help how we feel.
Denial and blocking the trauma. I do that too, because it is truly painful. My heart goes out to you.
You do not need to apologise, I have found you to be a very supportive person. And I know how difficult it can be to find any words at all.
Keep safe.