Quote:
Originally Posted by Sanada
When it was an addiction it did get like that for myself. I remember in the end being sooooooooo OCD about each cut that it was like you say seeing something, good or bad , leak out. I placed paper around me so the carpets and beds were not stained, I would clean and bandage myself sometimes, other times I woke with dried blood on my arms and face, then rush to clean.
Only in the Addictive stage was it like that cause I remember only too well the pain and swelling on my arm, OWCH. It burned, and I did regret it always, always a regret forever, but now its stopped I have no shame of it.
I guess the addictive stage lasted 3 years only out of 5 years of doing it (on and off).
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I can't even say how much it scares me by the thought of these feelings and obsession lasting for years. At the same time I can't explain that relief I feel by the though that this won't stop now. I guess I shouldn't be by myself for too long with knife and a bottle if vodka. Well, at least for how ever long this lasts.