I am trying to understand. You now feel guilty because you had some dreams and then you started to doubt those dreams and now you feel lost, right?

Well it all depends on what you can do with music wether or not your dreams were unrealistic or not. From what I understand you are extremely artistic and passionate.
Being an artist is about thinking outside the box and considering possibilities. And being a successful artist is based upon how one expresses their artistic individuality and within that can connect with others that may appreiate that artisitc individuality.

Most artists are very sensitive people and they don't often think they are good enough to be a star. But it is those that concentrate on their individual style of expression and weather the storm of doubt and fear and critisizm that make it.
If you watch the biographies of most of the successful artists, especially in the entertainment field you will see a much different person than what is shown on a stage or in a video or even in a movie.

Often when an artist becomes recognized and popular and successful they are really taken by surprise. And often times fame can cause many stars to become overwhelmed and they find themselves either over indulging or some opt for seclusion. It can be very challenging and somewhere along the line they hopefully find a balance and settle into a way to handle this kind of lifestyle. And the majority of them will admit that they were not sure they would ever be a success.

So there is no guaruntee in whatever one choses to aspire to. The best way to deal with it is to make sure you have a plan B and maybe even a plan C. But if you are an artist it can be possible to do that as you have the ability to be creative.

Most artists enjoy psychology as well, that could be a plan B or using your abilities and creative energies to teach could be another plan.

I think about Lady Gaga or even Madonna. Both of these stars had a market strategy. And they didn't develope it at age 19. It took them time to be creative and make a decision about how they were going to market themselves. And we can see that in Elvis Presley and The Beatles (who never realized what a sensation they would become).

I think art can be a little bit irrational at times. But that is what makes it art.

Open Eyes