was so careful to protect myself. . .all this time i tried so hard to keep him away, to find my way out of the darkness, find a way to make a life. all thats over now. i am never going to be okay. i lost it today. just knew he found away to get to me, to break me like i've never been broken before. just completely broke down. told my pdoc to just put me away already, i'm nothing. just lost in the darkness. cant think straight. she says its paranoia and i just need treatment but i know he sent someone to hurt me cant make any sense anymore. they put me on antipsychotics. no hospital yet. guess cause i'm not a danger to anyone. love my children, dont want to be without them but i'm lost now, just everything is darkness and i'm afraid i'll never return. never going to have a life now. so afraid he will find me again and theres nothing left to break. opened up my heart and it was all a mistake. so foolish. i know i'm not making sense and the meds make me feel like i'm walking through water. just so angry. what was i thinking. i am never going to have a normal life. i know that now. he won. i am so entirely broken.