I'm being told I'm bipolar, but to assure a diagnosis, have also been told to quit drinking and abusing other drugs for at least six months. I really, really don't want to. I love to drink until I do stupid things that I might regret later, but usually don't. I pretend to be proud of the fact that I can drink men under the table. I've been wild and reckless my entire life. I find it very hard not to be. Living a normal life is very hard. Being married is hard. Being a good daughter to my needy mother is hard. And sometimes being a good friend is really hard too. I tend to think I'm a selfish *****. It sucks.