i hear you… i really, really do. i had to walk away from friends in the past as well. then i was left all alone with ME. that was probably the hardest part of all… being left with me. it was a terrifying thought for me.

maybe they have kept you out of hospital, i can't say. but maybe they have only delayed the inevitable? maybe you were going to end up in this situation eventually, no matter what? maybe it's time that you give yourself a break? maybe you just need to give yourself a chance to get better? cos you DO deserve to get better, you need to know that. but it's not gonna happen unless you give yourself a chance. maybe your T has said something similar.

have you considered attending support groups, 12-step meetings, or anything like that? most recovering addicts will offer you similar advice, doesn't matter if they're 12-steppers or did it another way, cos there are other ways. i'm not suggesting NA or AA or any other program is the only way.

what i AM suggesting about addiction recovery is that:

if you want to HAVE different (get better, stop using, get your sanity back again, etc…), you have to DO different (whatever it takes, whatever the cost, go to any lengths…)

like i said earlier, maybe you think i'm not understanding you but i believe i am. really, really, really. i know it's not easy, but it's OH, so worth it!!

what i'm NOT doing is justifying your attachment to your friends and the hazardous environment in which you are living