I know exactly how this feels, and all I can say is hang in there. ): I once told my T that it felt as if I were falling deeper and deeper into a dark trench, and each time I tried to escape I only fell back in. She told me that when I fell back in, I was actually a little less far back than I thought. I found this extremely hard to believe, but perhaps she is right. In order to overcome our struggles, we must go through them, inch by inch. And maybe, just maybe, relief will slowly inch its way to us. It's SO hard, but we must force ourselves to think about it, without letting the abuser have the dominance in our mind, and must tell ourselves that the only authority they have over us now is in our memories - nothing else. Dreams are our subconscious trying to release what we try so dearly to hold back. And sadly, in order to go forward, we must first re-trace our steps...