It sounds like a hard life, but one wise person once told me, that when things get worse, eventually they have to improve. I know that's true. I've had a plan B, and for 5 years, haven't used it. There are others out there, just like us with a plan B, but they are still living. Life is hard, all give you that one.

Also if you feel like you need to see your psych sooner, DO!!! It could just help.
Sending you support, and safe Good luck, and keep posting, it does help eventually